Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Mantilla the Hon

Famous ecclesiastical fashionista, Mantilla Amontillado (Father Longenecker's guest blogger, and one of his alter egos) uses her impeccable taste in all things ecclesial and her degree in Ecclesiastical Haberdashery from Salamanca University to comment on a wide variety of topics of interest to Church Ladies. Her basic philosophy is as follows:
I say, if you're going to be a Catholic look and sound like a Catholic. Throw out the polyester. Bring in polyphony. Those cheap see through cassock albs are surplus. Bring back the cassock and the surplice. Throw out the people of the parish parade. Bring in the procession with lots of brocade. Men should know their place: it's wearing lots of lace. Forget the reform of the reform. We're talking revolution of the reform.

Mantilla on Beauty and Truth: "Now I'm realizing that when I see that polyester chasuble with felt grapes on it, it's okay to be a little bit angry. When I see a church that looks like a cross between a slaughterhouse and a dunce cap and feel angry, that's okay, because ugliness is next to Godlessness. But when I see this nice brocade vestment or this antependium made out of this nice tapestry or I see a gothic chasuble in dark purple silk, or an altar boy wearing a lace cotta or a nun praying in a full habit it is okay for me to be happy because beauty is truth and truth beauty and this is all you need to know..."

Mantilla on Altar Dressings: "And what if you are going to visit someone important or maybe go to a wedding? Do you wear flip flops and a T-shirt? No you do not. You dress up you know? Well, it is the same thing with what you do with the chalice on the altar. You should make it beautiful, after all, you know the Mass is a kind of wedding banquet. It's the marriage supper of the Lamb. So you put the purificator over the chalice, and then the paten on top with the priest's host, and then the veil on top of that and then the burse with the corporal inside."

Mantilla Goes to Mass: "I go to this mass not long ago at another parish, and no, I'm not going to tell you which one, but Fr. Elvis comes in and he's got this kind of a game show approach to the liturgy. You know? I thought he was going to say, "Mantilla, today is your lucky day! Come on down and let's make a deal!" But he didn't he sort of saunters in and says, "Howya all doin' today? Anybody from Cincinnati? How are the Red Sox doin'? I heard this story once about this girl who wore red socks...The Lord be with you." You know what I mean? Well, I'm sitting there and my fan is going faster and faster, and it's not because of the flies I can tell you."

Mantilla on Clergy Hats: "I tell you someting. Listen. Whenever I see a priest in a hat it gives me what do you call it? Goose bumples. I get this shiver go right down my back and for the longest time I don't know why. Any other priest comes marching into mass and I maybe just yawn and flick my fan out and chase away a fly. Then we get this new priest in the parish and he's wearing the biretta. Wow! I give my friend Salsarita an elbow in the ribs, "Salsa, will you look at that new priest! He's wearing a biretta!" I haven't seen one these in years and it makes me think about priests in hats. I like it when a priest wears a hat, and maybe, you know, this is one of the nice things about being Catholic, that the priests put on headgear."

As you may have guessed, she has many more opinions and all are worth reading. Visit the Standing On My Head blog to read them all, and Father Longenecker - more Mantilla, please!

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