Monday, November 19, 2007

The Official Church Lady Kit
(click to enlarge)

A picture of the Holy Father
A St Benedict medal (to keep bad liturgists away)
Extra cassock buttons
Ruler for cassock alterations
Sharpie for minor cassock bleach accidents
Black dye for major cassock bleach accidents
Corkscrew (for wine & self defense)
A lighter
Liturgically colored thread (contents may vary by season)
Clear soap (for minor spills and back talking altarboys' mouths)
Safety pins & a screwdriver
Salt (for sloppy cruet handlers' stains)
Jewelry cleaning gel (for dingy episcopal bling)
Lint brush (to keep blacks black)
Manly lace
Knotted rosary to distract the baby


Mary Liz said...

I would like to offer the suggestion of a bottle of Zout as well. We have found it to be quite effective in removing bleach stains from linen surplices.

Anonymous said...

Do you have an application? I would like to be a card carrying member of the PSCL!


Mary Catherine said...

Ditto what Courtney said. I love the "St Benedict medal for keeping liturgists away." That's fantastic.

E George said...

You might also want to include some Super Glue for broken BVM statue fingers. Then again, that might fall under the purview of the Holy Confraternity of Parish Handymen.

Dymphna said...

Oooh. I wish I was organized. I want to be a church lady.

Thérèse said...

Trust me, Dymphna; organization is not an absolute membership requirement. Lucy's got me beat hands-down in that department.

Anonymous said...

Though I do have a question: having fed our Cathedral seminarian at Thanksgiving before dispatching him back to Maryland, what are your clerical friends doing that they get bleach stains on their cassocks? I'm more familiar with food and grease (likely from food) stains. To that end, maybe some baking soda should be included?

Margaret Mary said...

The bleach came into the picture as a sad attempt to whiten a surplice. Unfortunately, the cassock was standing near enough to watch.

Lucy said...

There was also an incident involving Seminarian Joseph doing laundry or cleaning in clericals and splattering his blacks with bleach.